Over few years i realized, i get up self loathing about how unsuccessful i am, how my life is just not happening, how i am invisible in crowds, how other people have done exceptionally well in their life and how horribly i have failed, how i feel ugly because i dont have a perfect selfie to post on instagram , and so on! I once thought for days about how miraculously things worked for others but me? I wondered how others like me ever survived the shame of failure that we exist in? I was desperate to find the answers as it increasingly became impossible to exist with my unsuccessful self.
I introspected. (obviously because my 'smartphone' died on me due to low battery, in the middle of a long bus ride)
I started fidgitating, became restless, i was going back to the phone every 15 seconds checking in the hope to start the device. It started once reluctantly and drained again, leaving me anxious and worried. I had to keep it away. I reluctantly shoved it in my pocket. I was forced to look at the people around me, because i could no longer log on to facebook, tweeter or instagram.
People. The real people, they looked ordinary. No girl was pouting with picture perfect smile, couple of them sat chit -chatting, laughing out loud (really! And it was not as dry as lol!)they were not clicking selfies, they all were tired just like me! Returning home from a day long work, sweating 'Mumbai' style! i saw a guy sitting in a corner in his formal attire, worried sick about a project, constantly talking on his phone. i couldn't imagine this guy having a perfect life, at least right now.. I saw women concern about returning home to make dinner on time, continuously checking their watches. I saw a woman tired of her constantly vining child and was visibly disgusted by the very existence of her offspring, unlike those crazy new mothers on fb obnoxiously posting photos of their children with "awwwwww" in the description. I saw a couple chatting about real matters, probably about mortgage for new house, or about some health issue in family. When i looked out i saw a girl crying silently sitting on the back seat of the cab.. That's when i realized i wasnt alone, they all were going through real issues, real struggles and real failures like me! Suddenly i felt closer to these bunch of strangers than those 1000 odd friends i have on Facebook. These people were like me, in flesh and blood, not just an imagery of 'perfect' lives.
It opened my eyes. I realized why my mother my father were containted and happy in their times! Simply because they din't have entire world's success sent to them through notifications as a first thing in the morning. They evaluated themselves only against their own progress and competed against there ownselves, and most importantly they lived amongst the real people, not just the virtual image of people they once knew.
Every day when i travel i see many people, especially women walking around with a headphones in their ears. They look through everything as if they dont exist in the current reality. They are lost in their phones, running away from any perception or intuition.
Yet we chose to chat more than talk, text more than meet, create groups with strangers on whatsapp but avoid family get togethers..
I dont understand what we have become??
Strange strange world..
